And I am really done...

It all gotten a bit much, so I left DJ-ing behind. I felt pigeonholed not only by what people expect of me but also by the expectations I set for myself. I want to be the best I can be, but if that means working in a structured format, please no! For structured formats I have a job, here in SL... I come to play. The activity that is being a DJ was more and more becoming a job.

Combine that with the gigazillion things that are coming my way in my private life, and that take up a boatload (and that is a standardized unit of measurement) of time, and you have a recipe for disaster... Well for a very stressed out DJ anyway. I already took it out once on my sis Emyly, and that is just not worth it. So this time around, I mean it. I QUIT! (DJ-ing that is)

I am done...

I come to this world with the best intentions. It seems that most of them are misunderstood. I am here to help people. But what I get is hostility. Maybe I am not clear enough... Do people really not understand that all I want is world-peace? a harmonious place for all of us to occupy? For all of us to get along? Based on the conversations I had tonight, it seems that I am the bad guy. I am the asshole. Well if that is how you all think about it, I best stay away.

Tonight I tried to give advise to a dear friend. It not only fell on deaf ears, it was met with so much hostility that it has me seriously wondering what the fuck I am still doing here... I was accused of wanting to see something fail, while all I was doing is trying to help it succeed.

I am so turned around I wonder which end is up. One thing I do know is that this digital world, the way it is right now, is not healthy for me to be in. So...

So long and thanks for all the fish!

To name but a few...

It's late here in BBQ land... Nonetheless, I feel that I should give some credit where credit is long overdue and let you in on some of the secrets. The secret, mostly, of what keeps me coming back to this silly game called SL. The secret, for me, is the people that inhabit this insane, made up world with me. So here is a list of names (and reasons) of people that I am very thankful for meeting over the past years...

If you didn't make the list, don't worry. I don't hate you!

First and foremost, there is Feenix. For reasons that are way too long to put to ink, I would not have been able to lead my life without her. Filling my heart with joy, my mind with pleasure, she is ALWAYS there for me (and I will always be there for her).

Otawan is the person that made me realize that even in this virtual world their are people that appear good but, just as in RL, you should stay away from. Too bad it took me so long to realize.

Emyly, of course, my adopted sister who I would not have given the light of day in RL. What can I say about her? Caring, loving, open to my madness, and always willing to be a friend... even in my darkest times. You surprise me on a daily basis.

Linri is a great experiment. She always gives people a chance, it's just too bad she chickens out too soon. She would be a great friend if she was just more open-minded. Thanks for giving me my break as a DJ in SL, but... you just don't cut it. One day you will learn to be as tolerant as you say you are.

Katiana you rock!! I will never forget that you invited me for thanksgiving dinner, nor the fact that you nearly ran me over with that god damn horse of yours. As different as our political views are, the respect for you remains the same. You, are real... A real redneck!

Jim & Baby, thanks for letting me by myself and accepting that.

Kathy, in times when you didn't think anything was wrong (but I could have killed myself) your silly pictures from that very cold place (with penguins) brought a smile to my face, keeping me going for just a bit longer! Long enough to learn that...

Gussica, is worth knowing... I will miss you! You brought back the believe that everything is possible. Too bad our freindship got cut short. Sleep well in your beach house on the moon.

Last there is Casandra... God I hate how perfect you are! But you have also perfectly shown that I should strive to be my own kind of perfect. Now stop!

Just a list of people that have taught me something over the last few whatevers... Credit where credit is due.

Sexism...

It's a harsh word I know, but I was dumbfounded to see it in the corner of the world where I did.

I was interviewing for a DJ gig at a gay club. I am super cocky (no pun intended guys) so I like to think that I am interviewing the club. In a way it's good I think like that because it once again saved me from what could be a very unsatisfactory engagement.

The owner, a Dutch gay guy told me I couldn't play rock... Fine, I don't like to anyway, so far so good. We started discussing time-slots and I said "before we do that, I have a choreographer, maybe we need to discuss that first". He asked me what that was, I explained and he said "we don't do dance hostesses". I told him that I didn't think he understood what choreography was all about, especially since he kept insisting on calling Emy's job that of dance hostess.

The guy said that he perfectly understood but that the club simply would not employ a hostess. I was going to get into my "She is not a hostess, she is a choreographer" routine, when it hit me... This guy simply has something against women! I asked if it would make a difference if the choreographer was lesbian. "Well," the guy said "I got nothing against women." You know what is coming next don't you?

"Some of my best friends are women."

Eureka! While it's OK to be a woman, a heterosexual woman even, you can't be employed in his gay club. DISCRIMINATION! He then rambled on and on about how much trouble he had in the past with the female employees of his club. That's like me saying I will not work with Turks because they all smell like goat manure.

In the real world, we have laws against this. In the US it' called EOE, Equal Opportunity Employment. His rational was that he wasn't in the US and besides this was SL. So as long as you are a guy, you are OK. Gay or not. If you are a woman, you are "welcome" as a patron (altough it's likely not encouraged), but you can't work there. Lesbian or otherwise.

Sexism!

A nice vacation

The RL me had to go to Chicago. Just a two day trip... and for business purposes, so not much of a vacation (although I did manage to catch and insanely good dolphin show at Shedd Aquarium). No the vacation I am hinting at, is no longer having to do two shows a week DJ-ing in SL. See the blog post below for that story, but it suits me just fine.

I am sorry that brought on by my interactions I now knocked the bread out of Emy's mouth, but she is still talking to me, so she must have forgiven me.

I actually like it like this. This weekend we (yes Emyly and me) are doing a show at the Castle of Jim and Baby. We played there once before and it was great. We will have to see if that turns into a standing arrangement or more of an ad hoc kind of thing. Also, once a month, we'll be at RastaFairy beach. A great club owned by some really fun people! Our next show there is hosting the annual drag queen contest... Wooohooo! Look for Emyly in a tux and me in a gown!

I could get used to this freelance stuff! It's so much more relaxed...

Ringing in the New Year (ASSHOLE STYLE)

Happy new year motherfuckers!

It all started innocently enough. On New Year's eve (that was yesterday) Emyly was slated to lead a couples dance at Linri's Palace. It takes two avatars to dance as a couple. I was going to be with Feenix (ringing in the new year in our own way, if you catch my drift) so my sister was short a dance partner. Not to worry, Emyly has a good friend who gave her access to his avatar, so if she is ever short a dance partner, she can use him.

Slight problem... This boy was banned from Linri's! Why? This guy never comes to Linri's if it isn't for Emyly needing a dancer, and if that happens, he never says anything because it's really Emyly controlling him and she is too busy dancing to make him talk.

Inquiring minds need to know! So Emyly asked. The reason she was given by the owner of the establishment (Linri herself) was as shocking as it was stupid. It turns out that several people at Linri's had complained about our behavior. This is where it becomes complicated (or totally imbecile, if you ask me). "Our behavior" in this case means that of Emyly and me. Yes, yours truly Tulsa! Why in god's name ban an avatar that isn't really there ever? I have no idea, and likely will never find out, seeing how moments later I myself got booted...

Way to go Linri! Let's deny access to one of your staffers! It was close to Emyly's performance when I inquired exactly what Emyly and me had done to deserve a third AV to be banned. I was told that several people had complained about me. I supposedly am rude and hard to work with. That's kind of funny, I come in set up my DJ rig, play songs and leave. Emyly, I was told was also complained about often. That, I have a real hard time believing... Where as I have a kind of "boisterous charm" Emy is the sweetest AV you will ever meet.

So I pressed on. Who came up with this bullshit (no definitive answer) and what exactly am I accused of saying/doing?

It turns out that Linri's palace has some secret financial backers. I always wondered how she kept that club going with such low patronage, but now I know! It's these "silent partners" that did the complaining. And of course money talks, and the low life DJ walks, right?

Among the accusations geared towards me, were that I once got in an argument with Emy her boyfriend. Indeed I did, but not after him insulting my girlfriend. Besides the whole argument lasted all but four lines of text. I was also accused of telling people they were naked. Well truth be told, Linri was naked, at least on my screen(you gotta love SL glitches). And which self-respecting heterosexual man would not make a comment about that? I mean, come on, Linri is one of the most attractive AVs in the metaverse.

Apparently Linri's "secret investors" keep a score card of how often I say something that is not to their liking. I don't know who these people are and Linri will not tell me. I do know who these people are not and some of the regulars at Linri's Palace are just as flabbergasted as I am.

So I was put in front of a firing squad without ever hearing what I was charged with. When I said to Linri I was canceling today's show and that she had until Sunday to sort out this mess, I was banned. Not by her stash of secret investors, no by her! Excuse me for wanting to find out what I am being accused of. All I was offered by Linri is that allegedly her band of silent partners had threatened to close the club.... Yeah right!

If this sounds fair to you, then fuck you and the horse you rode in on! That includes you Linri!

Changes...

Several aspects of my life have been changing dramatically over the past few months. One thing that I pushed forward without much regard for these changes has been my DJ-ing. It was inevitably about to break. You can't change your life on one side and expect the other to go on as if nothing happened. That would be like simultaneously trying to make a right and left turn. Every aspect of your life has implications for another aspect of your life. Upon turning left, that right turn moves away. Or rather you are moving away from it.

If I measure some of my success as an MC in SL by visitor number, I have been truly blessed. Never played to an empty house, always make good tips... Cooool beans!

But how important is that really? Some of you (I mean other DJs) may well be perfectly happy playing and announcing tunes and following chat and saying "Hey, thanks for that great tip". Good for you, if you are one of them. I came to realize that I am not.

You see I am on SL mostly for my own satisfaction. I want to do what feels right to me! And lately, Second Life has become work. While I still enjoy playing music in SL, other things, both in and out of SL have become more important. Struggling to make it to a gig so I can pay my rent, is not one of them. I have to do that on a daily basis in the realm of reality. I think I have said this before, but if I wanted to play house, I can turn SL off and be none the wiser! It's why I stopped playing the Sims!

I have decided that I should drastically reduce my DJ gigs. One casualty of that decisions is my "Soul 2 Soul" show at Linri's Palace. It never really worked very well to begin with, and it is one Friday night engagement I can live without. So this coming Friday will be the last time...

"Party Funk", for the time being will continue as scheduled. However, expect some changes in its format. What they are, I don't know yet but, I do know I have to make this interesting again for myself. Right now (with the exception of last night, when I took some liberties) it isn't. I realize that I have mostly myself to blame. I pushed myself into some sterilized version of what I wanted to think was best for my audience. No more!

It's a new year and a new me. Consider this my new year's resolution.